It actually happened. Why am I so surprised, shocked and intermittently numb, like the rug got pulled out from under me? He is gone, we've known this day was coming for a long time. Is it my inner childhood naivety? Or my adulthood denial? Whatever it is, he is gone and I feel numb.This morning I woke up to a abnormal/normal Friday. The "out of bed, get the girls ready for school in a frenzy" normal. I was doing okay! Felt like another TDY (the short trips, where I know where he is going and the worst thing I have to worry about is if he gets food poisoning and broken bass strings). Felt like, we can DO. THIS. Then the wonderful, caring (I'm not being sarcastic) people that I see on a daily basis ask me if I'm okay? I think in my head, "Yep, we are great!" But nothing comes out of my mouth and all of the sudden my eyes are betraying me, they are leaking!! Friggin' malfunctioning eyes!
This could actually be a post where I have projectile purging of words from my keyboard, so much that it actually blows up, but . . . let's not. Here are some pictures of the day.
McKenna was given a little care bear to take care of until Dad left from Twila, a good friend of ours. Enter McKennaism: she didn't let it go for two days! She had to wear clothes that had pockets for the bear. Even while clinging to her Dad, she was clinging to the bear. I may be over thinking it, but I think she was, in her own way, trying to hold onto something while a big piece of her life was about to leave. She was in control, the bear can't leave.
Left hand:
When I knew we all couldn't stand it anymore we decided to part. Being the stellar, out of practice dietitian that I am, I drove straight for the BX and marched the girls right up to Baskin Robbins and told them "order whatever you want". They stood there staring at me wondering if someone swapped out their mother for an alien, a really cool alien. Therapeutic food = bad dietitian/good mommy. Ice cream = return of smiles to my little ones faces. Worth every. single. calorie.
8 comments:
Leslie,
Our prayers are with all of you!
I will put your name in the Temple in the morning. I don't know any other way to help you.
Just know that we are sorry that you have to go through this, but are grateful for your families courage.
We love you!
Meriam and family
Angel Women! I am here for you to.. You can do it.. and you will be amazed at the joys you can find within you.. I know that is not what you want to hear now but I promise from my own experience that it will bless you and make you and Mark even sweeter!! I love you! And I am thinking of you and the changes ahead.. talk aloud about Mark.. and love him even more.. He will be back quicker than you think.. and then we can swap our tales about it together.. What I am happy about is Mark will see Travis.. they will have the cutest reunion and it will lift each others spirits!! I want to lift yours so just know girlfriends on the other side of the earth are here for you! Sending loves & hugs!!!
my eyes are leaking right now as I read your post...i'm thinking about you guys and hope that you guys can get into some sort of a normal routine...even though I'm sure it will be tough.
We had a briefing yesterday, with the Airman and Family Readiness Ctr. and all of the folks that do pre-deployment briefs, and though he didn't have to, Jason came along. My eyes started leaking then too...2 weeks from today I will be out of here for 4 months...
:( Sure I have been on a ga-zillion TDY's but never have I been the one to leave for more than a couple weeks...it's always the other way around. I'm always the suppot system...always the one sending the packages full of love...I hope I'll be ok...and that Jason will eat while I'm gone...
Sorry, this post is a bit longer than I initially planned it to be.
Miss and love you guys!
**KGG**
Ice cream is definitely worth all the calories for the smiles it brought your girls. I am thinking of you and wish you all the best while your man is away. I know that it is hard, but you are strong and a great mom, and you will all get through this and have a stronger relationship because of it. We would love to see you during this time if I get better.
I remember well that heart wrenching feeling I had when Shannon left on his short (1 year isn't short) tour... it is tough.. but here we are... having to find our way and muddle through it the best we can. Muddle is the best word I can find to describe that feeling and at times heart wrenching and you brought that feeling back so vividly with your post, I could feel tears springing forth. Ugh! Hang in there Leslie!
I hate those who like to vomit unsolicited advice randomly... but if I could give you the only thing that I know that worked for me and saved me during our military years... especially those long 6 month and 12-18 month tours.. (uck!) it was keeping VERY BUSY.. ridiculously busy. Doing whatever. Throwing myself head first into callings, quilt and scrapbook groups, my children's activities, exercise.. you name it.. I did it.
Hang in and know that you are in our prayers... Mark too!
Love ya!
Tanya
You can do this. Days will come where you just want to hibernate and forget everything around you-but through this you will learn more about you, your girls and the bond you share with Mark. Your inner superwoman will come out. I'm here for you-if for nothing else, but to enjoy ice cream together!
And I saw the smile on your face yesterday at church--good cover up, Leslie! That was sweet about the carebear. Those transitional objects really do work! I hope you have one too!
Leslie, Thanks for being brave and sharing Mark with ME!!! Oh how gratefull I am for you guys in my life. I appreciate all that you mean to us and for the great care that you have given to Twila in my absence. I really really like marks haircut..:-0...He might be ready to rejoin the Army...LOL. Hey tell your mother I said hello and thanks for all that she has done for me also. Have fun with her and find a husband less girl (Twila) and have some good ol adult fun....but no Thelma and Louise stuff.
Brent
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