AAFES, because the customer is always . . . there

AAFES is Army & Air Force Exchange Services. Basically it is the WalMart of the military and overseas it is the only place we can spend the weak, "spiraling out of control" dollar to buy the comforts in life like gasoline. There will be weeks that go buy with a necessity "out of stock". "When will you get it in?" you say. Their response is shrugging their shoulder with a condescending grin and walking away. It is a fabulous test of patience, which I'm still trying to get a grip on. I guess I should say something like, "I'm so lucky to have this service available to me, I'm so impressed it is a non-profit, thank you so much . . . yaddaa, yaddaa, yaddaa."

Last week Mark and I got a babysitter and not just any babysitter. She is the one that the kids will physically boot us out of the house as soon as she crosses the threshold. This particular night the plans included a trip to the park, fort building, open requests for dinner and movie treats and painting of fingernails. The fort was super smart. More like an amphitheater and when it was done the acoustics were fabulous. Mark was so proud.

Our night on the other hand included several AAFES induced hiccups. Dinner and a movie, sounds simple right? I felt like I was in movie hell which makes me really mad because I GOT AND PAYED FOR A BABYSITTER. Read on and then see if you can top it! Oh, and we saw "The Proposal" and it is PG 13, important details for the detailed list to follow.

1. The flattest Diet Coke I have ever had . . . in . . . my . . . life. And why can't someone, for the love of all that is sweet, figure out how to make a bottomless box of Raisenets? It is not too much to ask for. From now on I am going to smuggle in my smokin' 20 oz cold Diet Coke and the bag of Raisenets that is twice as big for half the cost. I realize they are now checking purses as you enter (I'm not lying) , bring it on.

2. Purple eye shadow girl that sings the anthem. My only excuse for it is that it had to have been filmed in the 80's, if not, there is no excuse. You military folks know exactly who I'm talking about. She's like a trainwreck and you can't look away, but you want to so bad, and there is no concentrating on the song. Complete, scary distraction.

3. People brought their babies! This really irritates me because I NEVER did that. If I wanted to see it that bad and I had a newborn I waited until I could rent it. PLUS they did not remove the baby once the crying and babbling ensued. One of the babies was happy and talking. STILL, TAKE THE BABY OUT. It is not cute and cuddly to me when I have a night alone with my hubby. AND they were right behind us.

4. The movie is PG13 which I guess is the new PG, which makes PG the new G and then G becomes what? a commercial?? A hope? A wish? Because right during the scene where a naked Sandra Bullock slams into a naked Ryan Reynolds I'm watching a 6 year old run up and down and up and down the aisle. It is like he is playing a game, only why now??? And why is your six year old even here??? Hum, sounds like finding a babysitter is nearly impossible while entering an AAFES facility.

5. That 6 year old wasn't the only one. Other youngsters across the aisle from me must have gotten really bored with the PG13 movie that was all about marriage, deportation and careers, something all 6 year olds are interested in right? Well not these, which is why the kiddo's started crushing their plastic cups and pumping their straws up and down, over and over and over. Guess their parents can tune that stuff out.

6. Of course there was cell phone ringing!

7. No previews, which bugs me for two reasons. First, it is a segway into the movie, it allows you to get ready. Second, I really like previews, it's like getting a taste of the frosting before the cake is cut.

7. While the credits are rolling AND the plot is continuing to play out while said credits are rolling, the overhead lights turn on. Are you kidding me??

9. And finally, as if there should be any more, as soon as we stand up to walk out a women stands up and turns around to face me with a T-shirt, that was probably a size 3T, that says "Smarter, Blonder, Hotter" Huh . . . .

AAFES, because the customer is always . . . there.